Whole Family Healing Increases Potential for Your Loved One to Stop Using

On the surface, Whole Family Healing (WFH) is a three phase process that offers families two levels of engagement. Under the surface, WFH offers family members a pathway to transformation.

First, we create opportunities for families to talk about, understand, and make decisions about specifics that are happening right now in the family. We work with what the family brings, which is often concerns about their loved one. Often families focus on some aspect of their loved one behavior, potential triggers, problematic events that have happened, and areas of highest risk that may lead their loved one back into the problematic addictive cycle. These conversations are important for the day to day issues that arise, and creating an environment for the family to have them is one level of engagement.

This level of engagement alone can feel like the whack a mole game, or chasing one’s tail. The family’s patience can wear thin. They may be reminded of past attempts to help their loved one’s addiction and can’t see how this time will be different.

In the first two phases the WFH, a second level of engagement supports the first – two types of facilitated family meetings: 1) topics that follow the pathway of family healing, and 2) topics specific to a specific family.  Both are designed to best support a family’s best decisions and potential transformation in how they see and respond to the problematic behavior or addiction in the family. The family moves from recognizing underlying factors that have contributed to the problem, to potential transformation and healing.

The Family Recovery Solution (TFRS) signature process, Whole Family Healing (WFH):

WFH can be used at any stage of addiction/recovery.Screen Shot 2016-03-28 at 10.28.28 PM

The first phase of WFH’s 3 phase process can be initiated before the family is ready for an intervention, with an intervention, after an intervention, at any stage of the addicted individual’s treatment, or after a couple years of abstinence and the interpersonal patterns in the family have not changed. Of course, the earlier the family is engaged in a process of change, the more positive influence they will have on potential healing in the family, as well as decreasing the chances for relapse down the road.

As mentioned the potential with WFH is family transformation, which is linked to the commitment from family members. It’s ideal that everyone in the family would be on board with the change. The reality is that a small group with a sustained commitment can make powerful change over time. The changes in the “rules of engagement” and the structure has an impact on the entire family.
Here’s an example of the shift in thinking that can occur for family members

Often families see their loved one as the source of their problems. For too many reasons, this happens quite often and creates a polarization between the addicted individual (AI) and their family. The polarization is reflected in their thinking.
Here are some examples of thoughts for family members that can occur in the early stages:

“We don’t have much to do with this; I’ve had enough blame by so called ‘experts’”
“The assessment from the doctor/treatment center/psychologist is bunk. There may be some truth there, but I don’t believe it”
“When they change, I’ll feel better”
“If they would just stop ________, our family would be better off”

These thoughts can easily invade one’s mind, but it’s important to know these thoughts are some of the biggest obstacles to potential transformation.

When some or all family members get to a deeper understanding of the problem and where it comes from, their thinking about their loved one, about the problem, and about the addiction, changes radically. Here’s an example of a transformative thought process family members have, specifically when the underlying driver is trauma that has been passed down from generation to generation, or has occurred in this generation. The words are an example of a recovery message in this example, applicable to whole family healing.

Through your suffering, you’ve identified something that we’ve always known about, which is how hurt we are and how disconnected from ourselves we are. In our frustration with you, we recognize our frustration with ourselves. This did not begin with you, or with us either. It goes back a long ways in our family, and maybe this is the generation where we can stop the transmission of suffering. So you’re welcome to be a part of this change. We are going to engage in a healing process so we don’t pass it on, and you’re so welcome to join us. You can do that right now. And if you’re not ready, we’re going to love you anyways. And we invite you to be with us whenever you are ready.

Sure, this is an example. But think if people in your family personalized this message to your person of concern, or addicted individual. Family change empowers individual change, which clarifies family connections.