As a young therapist, I chose to focus on addiction because of my own family. My research emphasized the importance of recovery for the whole family. Although the literature espoused the importance of recovery being a family process, this method was not reflected in what I saw as the standard of care. As an addiction professional, I could see that the focus was ever on the individual with addiction.
What’s the problem with the focus of change being on just the individual with addiction?
Change is less efficient: With change, that is practiced with the therapist, often the client goes back into a family system that has not changed, which slows the process of change for everyone.
Increased disconnection and potential for conflict: When one person sees a larger picture, finds new meaning, uses different criteria for living, and they do it alone, others may not understand, question the new change, and not have a structure to talk about differences and goals.
Not including family increases shame and stigma: Focusing just on the individual with addiction sends the message that the issues that surround the addiction are not important. Families can feel their impact is not important and they are not involved, increasing shame.
Changing stories: We miss an opportunity to recognize, evoke strengths, and shift the larger story in the family about addiction. We miss an opportunity to empower everyone in the family to be responsible for creating conditions that are most optimal for their family.
Increased potential for relapse: When the structure of the family is not changing, when the only change is from the individual newly in recovery, they will need to form a strong boundary from the toxic structure or risk falling back into the same role (of using).
How are families involved and how they can be proactive?
Through the fault of no one, the family is immersed in a sea of mixed messages and universal belief systems about addiction. Since the culture does not solve the problem of addiction, it’s falls to the family. Invisible “patterns of coping” naturally emerge. These patterns fluctuate with the level of crisis. As their loved one in addiction or newly in recovery is in therapy exploring and making changes, the family can learn about belief systems that they have taken on and their “patterns of coping.” They can decide what makes sense to them, what inspires them, where they can have influence, and create conditions in their own family that lead to future connections they’d like.
But our family is split up all around the country?
Yes, and now there is an online family recovery community that invites connection with like-minded people and resources. The resources help families recognize that it’s not their fault, but it is their responsibility. Everyone in the family with an internet connection can participate.
How can therapy be improved with an online family recovery community?
The family can learn a larger picture of contributing factors, and decide about what they want to do today and how they want to be a family together in the future.
The online community provides 24/7 access. Twice a week community chats allow for discussion or questions/answers. People in the family can make changes that make sense to them. When numerous people are making change, there is much more potential for an individual in therapy to integrate their individual therapy skills and goals into their family.
How is the online family recovery community used in therapy?
For an individual in therapy, sharing the link with their family allows them to inspire curiosity in family members without shaming or blaming their family for continuing a habit or pattern that is counterproductive to addiction recovery.
Now there is an online family recovery community that bridges the family to recognition of the larger picture and empowered to become a strong part of the solution for the family structure going forward. Family members can come into the community anonymously if they choose, listen to community chats and engage when they are ready. People can set up private chats with one another whom they share mutual interests. People learning from the experiences and stories of others, promotes connection and a willingness to work together. Social capital is built.
The potential for families to shift their role and impact in addiction is huge.
But others in my family would never go into the online community.
Maybe. The beauty of this family recovery coaching model is that people are invited to participate and move at a pace that works for them. Their pacing is honored. As different things occur in the family and people who have recognized a larger picture share it with others. Seeds of invitation are planted in other family members. Change is a slow gradual process. Together social capital is built in the family, and in the community.
Why then is the individual model of therapy so pervasive?
Sadly, it comes down to a sea of mixed messages, universal beliefs about addiction that limit our thinking and influence what we think is possible, and it’s based on money.
Summary
Our culture is not in the business of solving the addiction problem. We live in a world of mixed messages about addiction. These messages have underlying beliefs that families can’t help but take on or react to. These beliefs have influenced and limited families thinking about solutions, which has been myopically focused on the individual with addiction or in recovery. Research espouses family recovery, which is not reflected in the the standard of care. The burden of navigating solutions is on the family.
The Family Recovery Solution is an incremental process for families to move at their pace towards empowering themselves and taking responsibility for their own solutions.
Learn more today: http://thefamilyrecoverysolution.com