57: Josh Ritcher Shares His Passion and Method for Mental Empowerment to Overcome Obstacles in Life Like Addiction
“I was in more control of my world… It wasn’t me trying to control my world out of fear; it was me controlling my world because it felt good.” –Josh Ritcher
If you’re struggling to start that transformation in your life, you must be misinformed about something: Change is NOT a big AHA! Learn how to control your mind, control yourself, and eventually, control your world. Today’s podcast will teach you how to empower your brain in the most satisfying yet simple ways that you can do right at this very second. It’s the little things that count.
Highlights:
03:12 When Much was Too Much
08:02 “I Love Myself” Experiment
16:49 Shoulds to Coulds and The Need to Feel Valuable
22:22 The Best Mental Intervention and Body Fuel
29:34 Change is NOT a Big AHA!
36:09 Neurons That Fire Together, Wire Together
43:11 The “H” Word
53:49 Out of the Red Zone
Resources:
Josh’s Videos
Learn the big “H” word! Listen in with @TFRSolution and @joshritcher and learn how to rewire your brain and rewire your life. #bipolar #alcoholism #pressure #anxiety #REDzone #littethings #change #habits #sleep #food #beActive #selflove #habits… Share on X
About Josh Ritcher
The TV industry has been very interesting and controversial since its introduction. Many people dream to belong to that world. But for Josh Ritcher, that place, wonderful as it may be, was no paradise. He was constantly under intense pressure and anxiety as he keeps up with its faster than fast pace. He left the TV Industry and started his own business, which eventually failed. To add to the burden, he was also diagnosed with bipolar disorder. As he was about to jump right off from the sixth floor of Sony Pictures’ parking garage, his change came right before his eyes. He needed a pause. And that’s when he gradually found the answer to his questions. He shares these answers through his works as an author and a mental empowerment coach. His heart goes out to everybody who’s struggling in their own chaotic world.
Connect With Josh:
Website: https://joshritcher.com
Twitter: https://twitter.com/joshritcher
Facebook: https://web.facebook.com/yourmentalbest/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/joshritcher/
Quotes:
27:11 “When I finally created that pause, that’s when all these answers started coming through.” –Josh Ritcher
28:28 “I was in more control of my world… It wasn’t me, trying to control my world out of fear; it was me controlling my world because it felt good.” –Josh Ritcher
30:30 “Change is actually a culmination of a lot of tiny, tiny, little things… these little practices start to rewire your brain. And it also takes away that need to numb.” –Josh Ritcher
41:11 “Keeping these things on the forefront of your mind, that does the rewiring of your brain.” –Josh Ritcher
52:00 “And then for the families just holding that person in a space of hope and trust and belief. I know that that’s a challenge in itself. But that is also healing for the recovering person as well- to be held in a new place.” –Josh Ritcher
Got ideas? Perhaps a future podcast? Schedule time with Jeff here: https://meetme.so/jeffjones
Transcriptions
Jeff Jones: So welcome everyone. This is Jeff Jones with the Podcast Families Navigating Addiction And Recovery, and I am here today with Josh Ritcher, and I’m just meeting him, and I am so excited to have this conversation because I really see, well actually I’m looking at his website, yourmentalbest.com, and so here I’m gonna read you the beginning of the website. It says, the modern world is triggering the crap out of us. It’s no wonder a staggering 40 million Americans deal with substance abuse and depression each year. Regardless of where you are in life and what your numbing device of choice is, It’s all too common for most of us today to abuse these escapes. The problem isn’t us, you are not flawed, not to be shamed and you are not broken. You are in fact quite normal and there are things you can do daily to take back control of your spinning negative mind. Wow. So when I read that, I was just so inspired to have this conversation with Josh because, actually I have very much of a similar perspective about how the world we live in increases stress, and amplifies our challenge in dealing with many problems. But specifically addiction. I see, you know, our culture largely as enabling our addiction and that trickling down to families doing their best. But, so Josh has this on his website. I am so excited to have this conversation. Josh, welcome.
Josh Ritcher: Well, thank you Jeff. Thank you. I’m really excited to be here as well and offer up your listeners any, any sort of help, or relief, or anything that I possibly can.
Jeff Jones: Yeah. So if we could start by you, just saying a little bit more about who you are. Like, I didn’t really say anything about you other than reading your website and I actually really do love that.
Josh Ritcher: Ah, thanks.
Jeff Jones: if you can introduce yourself, that would be great.
Josh Ritcher: Sure. Well, I traditionally come from TV. I live here in LA. And I know it’s weird to have a TV person (laughs) on, talking about, sort of these vulnerable things. But you know, I tried to start a business, well firstly I’ve had a great career in television. You could see, I do art directing and props.–
Jeff Jones: Aha.
Josh Ritcher: –You can see some of my work on shows like Deadwood, the new Twin Peaks,
Jeff Jones: –Wow.
Josh Ritcher: –I’m an art director of Shark Tank, so TV has been wonderful. It’s been a really great way to be hugely creative in a very fast paced environment. But that environment has also, as you know, it’s very stressful. It’s very pressure filled, you’re not allowed to sort of fail and any failures that you do have are very, very public. And so the pressure of TV was difficult. And I tried to start a business outside of TV, a Tech startup. And as you know, Tootech is very pressure filled. And so, I was in two environments that were very, they’re sort of bipolar industries and had very, sort of like the grind, and that sort of, you know, not sleeping, not taking care of yourself, not eating right, but putting all of your focus into your work,
Jeff Jones: –Right.
Josh Ritcher: –is encouraged in both of those.
Jeff Jones: –Oh, my gosh, that’s gotta be one of our, you know, the biggest addictions, really. And I’m going outside of the normal way we look at addiction, but just what you talk about there, yeah. A whole lot of stress and pressure to perform and be perfect. Like you were saying, any mistakes are very public and show up.
Josh Ritcher: Sure. And I did have that perfection is a gene or whatever you want to call it. And with that comes a lot of shame, as you know. And as my tech business started to fail, and crumble,and fold around me, I was tied to that. You know, my ego was tied to that, and I came down hard with it. And while it was falling apart, I started to lean heavier and heavier on alcohol to relieve that pressure and–
Jeff Jones: Yeah.
Josh Ritcher: –to relieve that spinning mind. I mean my thoughts of being a failure, and of not performing, not living up to this impossible standard I had set for myself and it all became too much. And the negative sort of, I guess that negative conversation in my head, we had brain feeding all of that negativity back to me in the form of being a failure, and not living up that standard was just too much. And even alcohol at the end couldn’t control those negative voices anymore.
Jeff Jones: –Aha.
Josh Ritcher: –And I found myself on the sixth floor of the Sony Pictures Studios parking garage, ready to jump and take my last steps to silence that noise, because it becomes so loud and so deafening. And so, I very much understand, you know, where all of that can take you and how invasive it becomes into your everyday life and the need.
Jeff Jones: –Wow.
Josh Ritcher: –the need to numb was huge. But even my numbing at the end couldn’t silence that.
Jeff Jones: What a descriptor that you paint there with your words of, you know, I’m on the sixth floor of this parking garage and I’m having these thoughts about taking my life about jumping off or something. So can you kinda go into that for just a moment and talk a little bit more about what that was like for you.
Josh Ritcher: I think what I was dying to have was silence, you know, that beautiful silence where I could just, you know, feel proud of myself and be happy, and not have this inner critic just hammering away at me. And it was that inner critic that I was hoping to escape, and that I was desperately seeking relief from. And you know, I sort of equated, those of us who were a little bit older will understand this analogy, but I would equate it to driving across the country in a car with no air conditioning with an angry George Carlin yapping at you the entire way, you know. (Laughs)–
Jeff Jones: Oh, boy.
Josh Ritcher: –That’s the way it felt in my head. And so yeah, any relief at the end, including suicide was an option and it’s in,
Jeff Jones: Yeah, so like how did you, kind of like shift your thinking, or get out of that situation on the sixth floor?
Josh Ritcher: Well, when I tried, I literally ran twice and stopped short of the jump. So I came very, very soberingly close to doing that. And when I got back into the car and continued sobbing for what seemed like an eternity and brought myself home again, I didn’t know what I was gonna do. I had gone to treatment twice before–
Jeff Jones: Ehmm.
Josh Ritcher: –and sort of unsuccessfully, you know, I didn’t know, I wasn’t any closer those two times to finding my sobriety. And when I left that third time and went back to my treatment center, I could only afford a week. And as you know, a week is nothing and everybody wanted me to stay of course, the full month and I couldn’t afford it. The business had taken all of my money and I was financially ruined because of that failed business. So.
Jeff Jones: –Yeah.
Josh Ritcher: –I had one week to get it right. And at the end of that week, I was no closer to discovering any new tools, but I tried an experiment on myself. I studied neuroscience. I had been woken up to, sort of neuroscience and how we could change our brains the first time through recovery. And I also discovered that I was bipolar the first time through risk, just a recovery. And so I was aware that I had to do a lot of things very differently, that was the one thing that I did walk away from that final week was
Jeff Jones: –Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Josh Ritcher: –that I had to do a lot of little things very different. And I tried an experiment on myself, which was telling myself I love myself all day, every day for a month. And was kind of one of the common themes that I saw in recovery. The three times that I went, was that a lot of us do lack that self compassion, and we are very hard on ourselves, and we are a very critical, and that critic seemed to be, maybe a common thread that all of us were trying to escape. And so in the vein of discovering this, this piece of self compassion that I was missing.
Jeff Jones: –Yeah.
Josh Ritcher: –I thought I’m gonna try this experiment that I had read about from another author who had a failed tech business, and he had wild successes with loving himself for a month. And apparently his depression had lifted his anxiety.
Jeff Jones: –Oh, wow.
Josh Ritcher: –And so these were all things that I had to, and I thought, well, I mean here I am at the bottom, bottom. I probably wouldn’t survive another relapse, because this time I had come so close to taking my own life. So I thought, what do I have to lose?
Jeff Jones: –Yeah, oh, my god Josh.
Josh Ritcher: –And I thought, you know, I kind of wasn’t the best at maybe some follow through. And so I thought, I need to hold myself accountable on this month, month of self love. So I decided to Vlog about it. I did videos every few days
Jeff Jones: –Wow.
Josh Ritcher: –and posted them on the Internet because I thought, if nobody’s watching, even if one person’s watching, I can’t let them down. And so you can check out that website. It’s a mindfuloflove.com.
Jeff Jones: –Aha.
Josh Ritcher: –And you can watch my videos throughout that month and you could see what happened. It’s sort of unlocked this piece in me, the depression started to lift. The anxiety was too, there was lightness in my life where there used to be all this pressure and constant, just sort of critical thinking. It sort of opened up this little fisher, or this little crack.
Jeff Jones: –Right.
Josh Ritcher: –Self-Compassion that started to grow and it worked so well. The month after that I did, I tried to think of, you know, this sort of reframing as we call it, as I would come to learn this reframing of, sort of, you know, critical to compassionate. I thought, well, okay, what’s the one word that I could put around my demise, my crash? And that was, I said, if I had to put one word to my alcohol abuse, what would that be? And I thought real long and hard. And I guess for me it was the word should.
Jeff Jones: –Ehmm.
Josh Ritcher: And all the pressure that comes with that word. I should have seen the business crash stuff coming. I shouldn’t have said this, I shouldn’t have done that, I should be doing this, you know, all that I used it in the past, I used it in the present, and I used it the future, and it was very much aimed at myself. It was like this cannon that was firing at me, you know, this pressure filled thing. And so I said, okay, what’s the opposite of the word should, or what’s a word I could replace it with? And that was the word could.
Jeff Jones: –Aha.
Josh Ritcher: –could has lightness. It has, there’s an option in the word could, you don’t have to do anything. It’s just, it’s an option. So the next month, after my month of self love, I tried to eradicate the word should by replacing it with the word could. And so all day, everyday, whenever I use the word should in my head or out loud talking to other people, I would go back and restate that sentence with the word could instead. And at the end of that month, I was able to do it. My brain flipped the words for me. And there’s this beautiful thing that happens in the brain. So the rationing part of your brain.
Jeff Jones: –Right.
Josh Ritcher: –takes up a lot of Mary, it’s energy intensive, and that’s why you’re tired after a whole day of doing taxes or these mental, you know, heavy mental things. And so the brain doesn’t like that. So when you hold something in your mind for about a month, I would learn. The brain says, okay, if you’re gonna keep thinking this over and over and over again and you’re gonna keep taking up energy, we’re going to put it in the deeper part of the brain.
Jeff Jones: –We’re going to consider it an important,.
Josh Ritcher: –Yeah, exactly. And we’re gonna put it in the automated part of the brain. And so I learned that this is sort of a beautiful kind of hack, or a way to implant things into your own deeper subconscious parts of your brain. And so here I had, I had discovered this tool in this month of self love had done that. And then reframing should could do that as well. And I would go on to do other months of other words and other things that I wanted to implant into my brain.
Jeff Jones: –Yeah.
Josh Ritcher: –And the result of all this was, you know, my recovery for one got a whole lot easier because I was removing that pressure and that need to numb. And so yeah, it wasn’t perfect and I still had to do things for my recovery and I still had, you know, I went to IOP and I did other things to keep my recovery important, but what I was doing was taking away sort of the, some of the root cause of my need to numb, and reframing this in my mind and letting my mind take over and automate these things.
Jeff Jones: Yeah, I mean, Josh, as I’m listening to your story, the other thing I’m really struck with is, and so often times, you know, when people are struggling with any kind of addiction, or you know, mental illness and having a really hard time, it’s easy for them to be in the victim role, and with what you’re doing, like this is not the victim role. Someone in the victim role would not come up with some, like idea, like to read something about self love and go wow, I could do that too and do it. And then like the accountability piece, like you’re saying, the accountability was you were making these videos and putting them online, and even one person, and I’m, I’m kind of going–gosh, did you have any other accountability there?
Josh Ritcher: (laughs) I really didn’t, it was just this sort of drive to how was really tired of being sick and tired. You know, I was definitely at the bottom and I was a shell of a person at this point. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I didn’t go into this super confident and super, you know, I wasn’t like, Oh yeah, this is gonna change my life, and I’m on fire, and I’m ready to rock and roll. No, it was out of desperation at this thing.–
Jeff Jones: –Right.
Josh Ritcher: –These were the final things I hadn’t tried, and I tried, believe me, I tried everything else, and all of the excuses, and all of the you know.
Jeff Jones: Right, so let me ask you like that, you know, month of self love. So after like day three, or four, or something like that, and you know, you like insert this message of self love. I’m guessing there was another message that was like, bullshit, or you know, whatever. And so–
Josh Ritcher: Oh yeah, well I think, maybe I should pop on the site again. I don’t remember what day it was exactly, but I think it was around day five, or 10, you know. And again, in that vein of me telling myself I need to do a lot of little things differently, I decided to go to a meditation, I hadn’t meditated in a long time and I knew that, you know, I had read about a lot of people having success. So I thought, okay, well I’m gonna go meditate. And I found this group, and I was in the middle of a meditation, again, this was that first month, this month or something–
Jeff Jones: Yeah.
Josh Ritcher: –And I was meditating and something popped. I was, I can’t remember how it came about. It was something in the vein of, I was thinking about when I was happiest in life. And then I thought, well, I’m happiest when I’m helping people. And then I thought, well gosh, I kind of have this incessant need to help people. It seemed a little maybe out of balance as I started to think about it and I thought, well, why would I feel this deep need to help people all the time. And then it sort of dawned on me that, well, maybe that’s because I feel valuable when I’m doing that, or I feel this. And then, and because it felt sort of out of balance to me at the moment. And I saw, I started, went a little deeper into questioning things around it and said, well, why would I feel the need to be valuable, and why would I feel this incessant need to help people all the time? And then it was like– hooh, it hit me.
Jeff Jones: –Yeah.
Josh Ritcher: –It was like, I don’t feel valuable enough just being myself.
Jeff Jones: –Right.
Josh Ritcher: –And then it was like, well, what’s underneath that? (laughs) And I sort of cautiously answered, ask myself that question. And then the answer that came back was, I’m not enough just me, and it was like– boom. My head almost exploded at that point in this meditation, and my head was spinning and I was like– whoa, this heavy realization came to me. And I know that the month of self love sort of unlocked this piece. And I remember driving home, I had to pull over because my head was still spinning after this meditation, and this big realization that I wasn’t enough. And I said: “Whoa, here’s that moment that I need to Vlog about.” So I did, I made a video in that moment, and about realizing that, and from that point on I vowed to change my, what I would say the rest of that month. I would say: “I love myself,” but I would add, “and I am enough just the way I am.”
Jeff Jones: Yeah. Josh, I gotta jump in here and–
Josh Ritcher: Yeah.
Jeff Jones: –I know you could talk about.
Josh Ritcher: –(laughs).
Jeff Jones: –and on kind of thing and I’m really appreciating it. But one of the things I’m really struck with is one, you’re using, like a lot of mindfulness skills kind of thing. Your ability to, you know, be aware of your own thinking and
Josh Ritcher: –Ehmm.
Jeff Jones: –stop, and pause, and question, ask a question, and then be curious. Like these are all like, this is gold. You know this, I’m not telling you anything you don’t know. But I guess I’m saying this because, you know, what I’m seeing specifically with, you know, family members who have a loved one in addiction. They do very much of the same thing. They have this myopic focus on whatever strategy they’re using to help their loved one, or deal with the impact on them, or try to stay connected as a family, or compensate for the addiction, or whatever. But the strategy they’re using, they’re very attached to that. And a lot of times it’s really hard for them to take a pause, to step back, to ask a question like you asked. They’re like, why am I doing this? Why am I thinking this? And.
Josh Ritcher: –Sure.
Jeff Jones: –That’s so powerful. And here you did this, and I’m not hearing that you had a lot of structure around you, or someone guiding you through this other than, you know, some other kind of internal or external guidance.
Josh Ritcher: Yeah, well and definitely don’t get me wrong, Jeff, when I went into treatment for the first time, I was very much asleep at the wheel and just reacting to the world. And for me, what I had learned my first two times through was, I definitely had woken up. I had woken up to my thoughts and my feelings, and I was a typical guy–
Jeff Jones: Right.
Josh Ritcher: –And just wanted to force the world into my will and through sheer effort, and will kind of, you know, make things happen in life and kind of force things. And there wasn’t a lot of space between my thoughts, where I could do things like, have interject curiosity or responds to life rather than react to life.
Jeff Jones: Well, so question, how did you transition to where, there was a little bit more of a gap that you could grab hold of to take a breath–
Josh Ritcher: Of course.
Jeff Jones: –and inhale and exhale, or something.
Josh Ritcher: And what I discovered with my bipolar was, you know, my thoughts were so crammed together so tightly like rings of a tree. You know, if you cut a tree, like there’s no space in there, there’s their jams so tightly together. And with the bipolar mind, with that manic racing mind, there is very little pause in life. It’s a constant stream of thoughts, and ideas, and of things. And so yes, that pause to me was a very difficult thing to get. And what I realized in my first two trips through a treatment, and through the recovery house that I went to, was that I needed that space between my thoughts and to even fight for millimeters–
Jeff Jones: Yeah.
Josh Ritcher: –or an inch was really important. And what I found I could do, not only with the medication helping, that obviously helped a lot, but there were things that I could do which was really focused on my sleep hygiene.
Jeff Jones: –Excellent.
Josh Ritcher: –My sleep hygiene was really bad in TV and with a tech startup. And so, I realized that sleep was my number one defense for my bipolar racing mind, and to create that gap between my thoughts.
Jeff Jones: –Right.
Josh Ritcher: –where I did have conscious choice, and where I could choose my reactions in life. And so sleep was a huge defense. I started eating better and then I started focusing, you know, I was the typical alcoholic where I isolated, and I hid out in my cave and I
Jeff Jones: –Right.
Josh Ritcher: –my world started to get real small. And so I started to expand that world and get out, and go on hikes with friends, or try, it really forced myself to do active things and get that blood flowing.
Jeff Jones: –Yeah.
Josh Ritcher: –And I think if I had to pick three top things, honestly it would be sleep, food, and getting out and being more active. And that really gave me that space where, I mean, like I said, even just a tiny fraction of a space where I could.
Jeff Jones: –I get it.
Josh Ritcher: –Yeah.
Jeff Jones: –I mean sleep is, I think for humans and I, this very general broad statement, and I know oftentimes when I do this, there’s always another side that I’m not considering, but my broad statement is, sleep is a very high level mental health intervention for anyone.
Josh Ritcher: –Huge.
Jeff Jones: –You know, and then food, like what you’re fueling your body with, what you’re putting your, like inside, again that like, so really taking care of your body.
Josh Ritcher: Yeah, yeah, and that was new to me. That was super new to me. So again, you know, part of those little changes that add up to big changes. And then what I discovered, you know, when I was reading about neuroscience and sort of, you know, wrapping more awareness around all of this stuff was that, curiosity is a really powerful tool. And getting curious around some of your old beliefs, or some of the basically, they talk about it in meditation is kind of becoming the observer of your mind–
Jeff Jones: Yeah, yes, yes.
Josh Ritcher: –And taking a step, a slight step back and starting to question some of the things that are running through your head, and starting to question some of those automated things that, we were just so used to being in it that you don’t question it, and those patterns just sort of run, and you’re along for the ride.
Jeff Jones: –We identify with it and that’s who we think we are.
Josh Ritcher: Right, and I would come to discover that we are not our brains. And thankfully in my case, because I had a whole lot of negative stuff rattling around in there, but was to step back and say, what is this and where might that have come from? And is this based in truth? You know, am I this or am I these beliefs that I thought I was? And then looking for evidence in the world, like actual evidence. I think we all have these, when we picked up these old beliefs, we maybe had a distorted view, or we’re too young to understand, you know, the framework around that belief, or where it might have come from, or is it valid? And so I did, I started to question a lot of things in my life and say, is this really me? And question my own patterns.–
Jeff Jones: Yeah.
Josh Ritcher: –So that, I think that’s where that here, you know, again with the sleep hygiene, and everything, and creating that little bit of space. So when I was in that moment of meditation, I think that that’s where enough of that still, plus I had never meditated before and stopped and paused and said, I wanna give, give a little bit of stillness to me. And so I think, when I finally created that pause, that’s when all these answers started coming through. I mean (laughs)
“When I finally created that pause, that's when all these answers started coming through.” –Josh Ritcher Share on XJeff Jones: –Yes, so, and I’m guessing like, step by step just in your story incrementally as you got more awareness and noticed like, wow, I can do this and I can do this differently. It’s like, I’m assuming that once things started to be a little bit different and you had an impact from that, motivated you to stay with it.
Josh Ritcher: Oh, of course it was, you know, I had felt very powerless and I had felt, you know, controlled, and I was just sort of fighting to control my world that was spinning out of control–
Jeff Jones: Right.
Josh Ritcher: –when I did, like you said, yeah. When I did start to see results, or see slight changes from these little things I was doing, it did, it became this, this thing that I was excited to do more of, and therefore the habit became easier. And you know, it is this sort of self fulfilling thing that does pick up its own momentum because it does feel good. And like, I was shedding those layers of weight from the depression and anxiety, and my, I did feel like I was in more control of my world by doing.
Jeff Jones: –Yeah.
Josh Ritcher: –these things. And so that feeling of control felt good and it was a good control. It wasn’t me trying to control my world out of fear, and it was me controlling my world because it felt good.
“I was in more control of my world… It wasn't me, trying to control my world out of fear; it was me controlling my world because it felt good.” –Josh Ritcher Share on XJeff Jones: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well and that’s very different than, like right on the front of your website. The modern world is triggering the crap out of us, you know? And so you, like you wrote that because I’m guessing you well, and I can hear in this story you had that personal experience, but then you went through a change to where, like you were able to be aware of when you were being triggered, and you were really motivated to be in your own power, be in your own body, kind of try to assert yourself to where, like the triggers, however you are being triggered in the modern world that had less and less pull.
Josh Ritcher: Yes, yes. The more little things I did, you know, when it’s so funny, I thought for so many years that change, or I hear you, hear the word transformation, or whatever people talk about, you know, and I thought it was this big, it was gonna be a big Aha moment.–
Jeff Jones: Right.
Josh Ritcher: –And I think my first two times through recovery, that’s what I was expecting was this big Aha. And what I realized my third time out, when I tried these experiments on myself was that change is actually a culmination of a lot of tiny, tiny little things.
Jeff Jones: Yeah, wow, yeah.
Josh Ritcher: And it is, it’s sort of the amalgamation, or the grouping together of a lot of these tiny, tiny little practices like I did greatly, daily gratitude. I started making a gratitude list every morning. And that, what it does is these little practices start to rewire your brain, and it also takes away that need to numb and quiet that negative–
“Change is actually a culmination of a lot of tiny, tiny, little things… these little practices start to rewire your brain. And it also takes away that need to numb.” –Josh Ritcher Share on XJeff Jones: Yeah, yeah. So I wanna jump in here real quickly and kinda tie this, like what you’re talking about is your own kind of process from addiction to recovery. But one of the ways I’m hearing this, is a human experience of being attached to one zone thinking and believing it’s true, and that it’s the only thing, and incrementally kind of trying different things and over time seeing how that is a big part of the problem of addiction, because we haven’t really been talking about like, you know, alcohol a lot ,or you know, Dadda Dadda da kind of thing. And I so see a correlation between, you know, the strategies that family members use because, it’s like oftentimes in a family there can be like a life or death kind of situation, and of course, you know, anyone around them who cares about them is gonna be concerned and wanna do something, and you know, the nervous system gets activated, and as you were talking about with the brain before the blood flow goes, you know, to the limbic, the emotional brain where we have less ability to use our best thinking, our rational brain or cortex.
Josh Ritcher: Oh of course, yeah.
Jeff Jones: It’s harder to change. Like this is, like what, I hear you talking about is a human experience, and human experience of suffering and you’re becoming aware of it, and your finding ways and implementing them. And like you were saying before, an experiment of I’m gonna do this for a while, and then I’m gonna do this for a while. And ‘lo and behold, you’re reprogramming your thinking–
Josh Ritcher: Absolutely.
Jeff Jones: –your nervous system. Like that gap, that pause to where you can possibly see it a little bit differently gets bigger, and bigger, and bigger with the more practice that you do. And it’s like this is a human thing. So I just, I mean
Josh Ritcher: –You nailed it. Absolutely. Yes, 100%. And you know, I think it was, and I’ve studied the neuroscience for many, many years now and I definitely was rewiring. And I, it is important to note too that you brought up the great point that, when you are first in your sobriety, you are, all your systems are out of whack. You know, you’ve been out of, out of balance and everything. So it was through being sober for a little bit of time, allowed me to then have that clarity and to start, you know, and those moments of being, staying sober for a block of time is really important to allow you to be able to kind of think this way and start to have more clarity cause yeah, of course I had wet brain for sure. I mean, it took months and months, and it took, gosh, my short term memory got so small because of my wet brain and the amount that I drank.
Jeff Jones: Do you wanna define wet brain?
Josh Ritcher: Yeah. Do are, do your listeners know? I mean you basically, you’re killed brain cells by, you know, the amounts of vodka that I was drinking on the weekends and nightly kills your brain cells. And so I did have a lapse in short term memory. I would try and like, think of things that I used to be really sharp and really on it. And I’m back to that now. But you go to recall something and there’s, there’s literally nothing there. You know, there’s no breadcrumb trails of, oh yeah, this person said that and reminds me of this, and whatever.–
Jeff Jones: Yeah.
Josh Ritcher: –Wet brain, you just, it feels like you open a door to a white room and there’s nothing in there when you’re trying to recall things. So it does make it difficult to have this sort of clarity, and when you are trying to recover from getting over that, and let it, giving your brain time to heal. Definitely that starts to build as well.
Jeff Jones: I mean one of the things that I’m struck with here, and again, again I’m reflecting from the family perspective, but that is the standpoint I have seen. Family members have such a difficult time, because they try to relate to their loved one the way they used to relate to their loved one, and they don’t, like it’s invisible. This slow gradual process of addiction and what you just described with, you know, having less ability to draw on short term memory, or you know, and being less competent in, you know, social situations probably. You know, it’s so hard to, for family members to kind of assess like, where they are at in this process. And so they make assumptions, you know, cause they can’t really do anything else. Unless they really get and understand this slow gradual process towards addiction. And what I hear you talking about, is the slow gradual process to healing your own brain.
Josh Ritcher: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know the things that I did, it’s interesting. I would also learn that, you know, the neurons that fire together in your brain wired together, and our brains are sort of naturally geared towards negativity. I mean, the brain’s trying to keep you alive, and keep you safe.–
Jeff Jones: Yeah.
Josh Ritcher: –And so it is looking in the world, and finding negative things that could be a threat or could be, you know, something that’s harmful to you.
Jeff Jones: –Yeah.
Josh Ritcher: –And it does take some regular practice, and some regular patterns, and things to focus on the positive. And what that does is that over time rewires your brain geared towards positivity, and hope, and gratitude, and your life. The life around you starts to become more positive. And example I like to use is, when you’re looking for a new car, let’s say you’ve never looked up that car before, and all of a sudden you start searching for it online. Well, the following days, you see that car everywhere. All of a sudden, and it seems magical that, that car all of a sudden is now, you see the parking lot at the grocery store, you see it on the highway, you know, it’s all of a sudden everywhere.
Jeff Jones: –Yeah, yeah.
Josh Ritcher: –It’s not that that car wasn’t there before. Um, it’s, it’s that now you’ve flagged something in your mind that’s important and your, your brain is this wonderful filter, all these thousands of things, bits of information past you all day long. And your brain is dismissing them automatically because they’re not harmful, or they’re not a pleasure seeking, or it’s not something that’s important to you. So you just, you straight up just don’t see them.
Jeff Jones: –Yeah.
Josh Ritcher: –And so they are invisible to you. So when you do start using these tools to rewire in a positive way, like daily gratitude practice or others like that, all of a sudden you, your brain goes, oh cool, this stuff’s important, we will focus on it now. And so now you see it in the world, you walk outside and you notice that it’s a beautiful sunny day. Whereas before, when I was in my inward, you know, negative world, I live in southern California, it’s gorgeous, a good portion of the year and I never noticed that, and I never stopped and appreciated it. So it really does, you know, it’s not the sort of happiness, you know, it’s not this, ooh sort of fun way to think.
Jeff Jones: –Yeah, yeah.
Josh Ritcher: –It actually changes your world. And when you start to get to do more of it, your life around you literally changes.
Jeff Jones: So perfect segue here.–
Josh Ritcher: –Yeah.
Jeff Jones: –Like can we shift the conversation to talk like, what’s on your website? What are you doing? Like, I read this little kind of thing that at the beginning of your website. So can you like, my assumption here, and I think this is true because we had a prior conversation, but that is, that this story that you just told led you to what you’re doing on your website. So can you talk more about that?
Josh Ritcher: Sure. Well, firstly, I never thought I would be an author, and I never thought I would go into the recovery space as a profession, or as you know, wanting to help others. But through my change and how much my life turned around, I mean 180 degrees and it’s been so much more light-filled, gratitude filled. I’ve had deeper relationships with my family and my friends. And through those deepening of relationships, there’s been so much joy and lightness brought back into my life and I, my life changed so drastically that I thought, well, of all the things I tried on myself, could I make this repeatable? I mean, could I offer tools for others to do this too? And so I’m in the middle of finishing an eight week video course following a lot of the thing, the routines and patterns that I did, and presenting these so that other people can follow along. And I’m really, really hopeful that this tool will be as valuable and as life changing as I’m designing it to be.–
Jeff Jones: Yeah.
Josh Ritcher: –And really distilling down into the simple small practices that do make that big change. And then I’m also creating a morning gratitude app, and using things like the phones push notifications. So when you write things that you’re grateful for, and then I have people write something they’re proud of from the day before, because we often don’t celebrate our wins. And we get stuck in this treadmill of constantly working towards things in the future. And we don’t stop, and really pat ourselves on the back for our victories. And that was another huge part of my life becoming negative and now is positive, you know, with the flip around. And so, and then using the phones push notifications to say, hey, that thing you did yesterday, that was super awesome, you know?
Jeff Jones: –Yeah.
Josh Ritcher: And it is that sort of constant, keeping these things on the forefront of your mind that does the rewiring of your brain. And so I’m using the phones push notifications to send you notifications throughout the day, and keep it on the forefront of your mind. So I’m trying to use technology–
“Keeping these things on the forefront of your mind, that does the rewiring of your brain.” –Josh Ritcher Share on XJeff Jones: Yeah.
Josh Ritcher: –to give us these helpful tools. You know technology has caused a lot of this problematic thinking in the sense of triggering our brains. Our brains evolved during a much simpler time. And the speed at which the world is working today is triggering us left and right, and through social media and you know, feeling that need to feel like, or not liked, and how that triggers us, and things like that. So I’m really trying to help combat some of the fast pace of the world today and use these tools actually for good now and to help us.
Jeff Jones: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I love what you’re talking about there by, you know, kind of every day, kind of typing in some kind of gratitude and then a number of times a day,or every hour, or whatever, some notification comes up and reminds us what we wrote earlier in the day, and our attention shifts from wherever it is. Add on to that alert, on to that gratitude. And I mean, one of the reasons why I love that is, because it is very clearly, I mean, in my mind and everything that I know, it’s like no behavior change is gonna happen long term without brain change. And no brain change is gonna happen long term without behavior change. And what you just described there, Josh, is behavior change. You know, the behavior of looking at your own gratitude over and over and over again, and what that does inside your brain, it’s like–
Josh Ritcher: Yeah, repetition is the, that magical tool, you know, and can get on the forefront of your mind. So absolutely, yeah, that’s, I mean, you nailed it. That’s the magic. And that’s the secret to a healthy, happy recovery and growth, and moving from survival into prospering, you know?–
Jeff Jones: Right, right, right.
Josh Ritcher: –And that transition and it is, it’s habits and the H word is always so scary (laughs) cause habit sounds like work. But I’m trying to create some really simple tools that are overly complicated and that aren’t, you know, and they seem so simple, you might not think that they do the lion’s share of the work. Cause, yeah. I mean, typing in five things you’re grateful in the morning doesn’t sound like a lot, but when I stuck to my daily gratitude practice, here’s my actual daily gratitude journal. You can see it.
Jeff Jones: –Yeah.
Josh Ritcher: –But when I stuck to that practice, wow, it made me happier, healthier. And the months that I wasn’t doing that, I would get, I noticed my triggers would be stronger. It’s funny, like in the framework of recovery, you know, my girlfriend at the time, I would notice that I was focusing more on the negative, or I was getting more frustrated, or I was coming home and complaining more, and my girlfriend would say something about it and I would be like, yeah, I guess I am sort of caught in some more negative cycles. And she’s like, have you been doing your gratitude lists? And I’m like, oh my gosh, I haven’t for the last two months, or three months. And so it does seem so small and I think maybe that’s what I’m, maybe that’s what my mission is.
Jeff Jones: Well the other thing, and this, this is like, I think, so human is there’s a problem like addiction or something like that. And we get, we think we get past it or from a family member’s perspective, I see Johnny has been clean and sober for 90 days, and he’s getting out of treatment. And so it’s easy for me to think Johnny’s fixed, you know, and he’s okay, but it’s like, this isn’t something to fix, this is a life. The invitation here is, this is a lifestyle change, this is a life change kind of thing. And your, your beautiful description there of you and your girlfriend asking you, hey, have you done it? Like gratitude and noticing it. And I’m kinda thinking like, you know, research, and science, and best practices, and all that kind of stuff. And it’s like, yeah, this is anecdotal, but it’s like this is an alignment with everything that I know of as far as the science, and the research, and you know, and it’s–
Josh Ritcher: It is the work.
Jeff Jones: –Yeah. And it seems like you just started this like, before you really even got into a lot of neuroscience. And the other thing, Josh, that I’m really struck with that I got to mention is, you said you went through two prior treatments, but then the third time when you had this one week, and then when you got out, it’s like, there were things about treatment one and treatment two that you got something, and you remembered, and like, you came back to, and it’s like, hey, that’s significant.
Josh Ritcher: They were all valuable. And I don’t, you know, as for all the years that I put the pressure on myself and labeled myself a failure, I really, really tried hard to not consider those first two times and my relapses a failure. You know, I really tried to put the framework around them, well I learned something each time and I’m getting closer to the end game, the goal, you know, and they say in recovery or what is it that you, you know, you’re driving from LA to New York, and your car breaks down in Texas. You don’t go all the way back to LA and start driving over again. You learn from what happened to the car, you fix it and you keep driving. And so, I really tried to frame recovery in that same sort of thinking was that, each time is not a failure. And yes, I did relapse, and then I had plenty of years prior to even going to treatment for the first time where I tried to do self sobriety for a month just to make sure I could. And you know, all the things that we do, all the crazy things that we go through in our own minds. And so yes, I did learn something from each of those, and they all were very valuable. And then it was the collection of these small little changes that last time out, and keeping up with those as a practice.–
Jeff Jones: Yeah.
Josh Ritcher: –And those things keep me, I like to say power full, you know, my daily practices keep me powerful, and keeps me in control, and I do focus on my sleep so that I have that space for choice in my thoughts and that space, that little bit of space where I can choose my reaction to the world is everything.
Jeff Jones: Yeah, yeah, yeah, beautiful. Well, so in this conversation, is there something that you wanted to share that I haven’t asked about, or you haven’t expressed?
Josh Ritcher: No, I don’t think so. You did bring up something when you were talking about the family a few minutes ago, and then I forgot it trying to, trying to think what that was but yeah, it is challenging when you were seeing as far as the family thinking of you one way and then I guess holding you in a new, I mean I know it’s really, I know on the family side it’s really, really challenging, and my heart goes out to all of you guys on both sides,
Jeff Jones: On both sides. I really love that. And so I haven’t asked you, like about your own family, and like you going through this process and your own family, and say a little bit about that.
Josh Ritcher: Sure. You know, they were all extremely supportive and I know it was really difficult on my sister and, you know, sending love to her, and thanks to her right now cause she played the go between, my parents are divorced, and so she was the common thread between both. And I know that she would have to drop things in her social life because I had, you know, gone back into detox, or this or that, and had to keep mom and dad updated. So, you know, my deepest gratitude to my family for going through that with me, and seeing me through, and I do know how hard it is, so my heart goes out to all of you. And my family, you know, mom was I think super supportive, and really into discovering more about the bipolar piece of what that meant. And I think my dad, you know, my dad’s a doctor, he’s a little bit more from the medical side and so he just thought, well, Josh needs to throw some medications at it, and that’ll fix the problem. And you know, I think it was definitely more than that for sure. And these practices keep me and my bipolar imbalance.–
Jeff Jones: Yeah.
Josh Ritcher: –And keep me from needing to numb, or self-medicate. And then I think, as far as them trusting me and it just, it does take time and you can’t rush that. It’s like the wet brain, you know, it takes time for your memory to come back, and it’ll take time for your family members to trust you again and to believe in you. And they, you know, and I think it’s important for us, the recovering one, as we do start to feel better, and we start to feel great, and these, you’re snowballing in a good way.
Jeff Jones: –Yeah.
Josh Ritcher: –We have to remember that, we did cause some damage, and the family’s going to be a little leery in believing this big turnaround. And you know, but I don’t want to implant in anybody. That change can’t happen fast, and it can’t happen suddenly.
Jeff Jones: –Right.
Josh Ritcher: –My change was quick and it, for the most part stuck really well. I had a couple of small relapses in the beginning, but tiny, tiny micro compared to what I used to do. And, so yeah, you know, it is, it’s that tough place of holding the belief where everybody wants to believe this is it, this is the last time, and only time will tell. And, but for the person, the recovering person, you know, using a lot of these small tools, that do create these big changes. And then for the family’s just, I guess holding that person in a space of hope, and trust, and belief. And I know that that’s a challenge in itself.
Jeff Jones: –Right.
Josh Ritcher: –But that is also healing for the recovering person as well to be held in the new place.
“And then for the families just holding that person in a space of hope and trust and belief. I know that that's a challenge in itself. But that is also healing for the recovering person as well- to be held in a new place.” –Josh Ritcher Share on XJeff Jones: –Yeah.
Josh Ritcher: –Hopefully.
Jeff Jones: –Yeah. There’s not just one way to, for an individual in addiction to go into recovery. There’s not just one way for family members to cope with it, to manage it, and to hold their loved one as they go through whatever their process is.
Josh Ritcher: –Yeah.
Jeff Jones: You know, and so it’s like, I really appreciate your sharing what you did. One, because so often times, it’s like external resources and creating conditions in one’s environment is so important, and a lot of times that is, like the main thing, you know, going to meetings, or going to meetings, and those are the conditions that I haven’t heard you say anything about that. And I like I, there was a little bit there that I got, that you did some of that.–
Josh Ritcher: Yup.
Jeff Jones: –But it’s like the conditions created were your own lifestyle, your thinking, your kind of challenging yourself to do this month of self love, and then this month of flipping should, could, and you know, and it’s like all that stuff in my mind, it’s like, it’s mindfulness being aware like of, you know, my mind’s going south right now and it needs to go north, or whatever.
Josh Ritcher: Yeah. I didn’t just want to put a bandaid over the problem. You know, I really wanted to get to the root cause, and I think that, you know, in myself it was that realization that I had, not only a drinking problem to numb, but it was numbing from my thinking problem (laughs).–
Jeff Jones: Yeah.
Josh Ritcher: –You know, and it was all of that negativity and pressure that was at the core, and my negative self talk. And that, that conversation that had become a habit in my head was, why I needed to drink. And, the drinking was the relief of that pressure. Like that valve on the tank that’s built up all this pressure, you know, that’s what drinking was. And so yeah, when I wasn’t able to drink anymore and when it had become, you know, such a negative thing in my life that, you know, clearly it wasn’t sustainable way to live, and a sustainable way of releasing that pressure was looking towards other tools. And I think, to me that my mindfulness felt like the most authentic, it felt like the
Jeff Jones: –Yeah.
Josh Ritcher: –The fastest way to get to the core of the problem and to, and by making things like meditation, a practice I keep, you know, and working on the sleep, and all the things we talked to, that does release the pressure a little bits over time to where there’s not that buildup. And I don’t get close to the red zone of feeling like I need a drink, you know?
Jeff Jones: –Right.
Josh Ritcher: –And so it is that, that constant small release, and going outside, and going on hikes, and doing, you know, all that stuff.
Jeff Jones: –A camp with friends.
Josh Ritcher: –Yeah, exactly. That stuff is important, and it is a practice that is so helpful. And you know, of course I’m, you know, once you’re a pickle you’re a pickle. And I, you have you heard that one? I don’t know if your listeners are.
Jeff Jones: –Yeah.
Josh Ritcher: –You know, cucumbers starts out a cucumber and then, you know, you pickle it, it becomes a pickle. You can go back and become a cucumber. I’m an alcoholic, I can’t go back and be a cucumber again, I’m going to pickle. So yes, I will never be able to drink. But you know, it’s the mindfulness practices that keep me from even getting close to having to numb again, and having to run from that negative buildup of pressure.
Jeff Jones: So Josh, I’m just aware of our time right now, but, and so can you talk a little bit more about like, people who have been curious about this conversation, they want to connect with you. How would you like them to connect with you.
Josh Ritcher: Sure. Well if you want daily, or you know, weekly Infusions Of Positivity. I’m really active on Instagram, and so I’m always posting positive quotes, positive messages, videos, little snippets that keep that positivity, and that the practice of thinking positive. And then I’ll put a link shortly after this, I’ll put a link on my website, where if you want to, cause my book’s not out yet, and my course, and the app isn’t ready yet, but they will be here in a few months. I’m really close.–
Jeff Jones: Okay.
Josh Ritcher: –So I’ll put a link there where people could sign up for an email list, and I promise I won’t spam you cause I hate that so much.
Jeff Jones: –And your website address?
Josh Ritcher: And the website is yourmentalbest.com, and then my insta is my name, at Josh Richer, it’s J-O-S-H-R-I-T-C-H-E-R. So yeah, if you want to sign up for the mailing list, I will absolutely keep you updated on when I’m really seeing all of my stuff coming up. But, Jeff, it’s been awesome. I’m just so excited to talk with you, and to share all these ideas too. It’s really fun for me to talk to someone with as much experience and knowledge as you have, because I started just ran experiments and I, you know, it’s really fun for me to hear too, how in all of your years of work, you know, I was on the right track.
Jeff Jones: Oh my gosh. Yeah, this has been an incredible conversation. I really appreciate it. And so thank you very much.
Josh Ritcher: Absolutely. Thanks again and good luck to everybody out there. I know it’s hard and it’s tough, and it’s a crazy world, but you absolutely can do it, and there is hope, and it’s not just a, some lifelong struggle. It can make it a lot easier and it does get easier. So stay hopeful, stay loving on both sides, and stay aware.
Jeff Jones: Okay. Thank you.
Josh Ritcher: Thanks, Jeff.