My last Grand Canyon trip was the best ever. I attribute this to the wisdom and experience of Gary, the trip leader, who had over 20 Grand Canyon trips “under his lifejacket”. I learned some valuable lessons from him. One was a 3 step process we used each morning to hear all voices in 3 distinct areas: Safety, housekeeping, and logistics.
So, how does “Safety First” relate to The Family Recovery Solution Deep Community?
Each morning after the boats were rigged, bowlines were being untied, and people were reaching for their lifejackets, I’d hear Gary shout out, “Safety First”. Each person had the opportunity to express concerns or comments. The dependability of the routine created connection and let everyone know what each person was thinking and feeling.
Where “Safety First” created a dependable structure and routine to connect the group before we got onto the adventures/challenges of the day, Deep Community creates an environment of safety and opportunities for family members to move past the cultural shame of addiction.
Why create conditions like a Well Organized River Trip in the Deep Community?
Because structure and dependable routines are lacking in families with addiction, we build this consistency into the Deep Community. Consistent routines is one thing that helps create healthy structure, dependability, and promotes clear communication, as families navigate boundaries, connection and trust.
Community members learn this routine and structure, which they can implement in the own family to start to create healthy communication patterns.
But, Don’t Families Need Therapy to Change Communication and Structure?
Some do. Some may not. Some may find a combination of the two most helpful. The family recovery coaching in the community recognizes the problem around the problem of addiction, and shines light on families realizing their own solution around the solution of recovery. Family recovery coaching is a complement to all addiction services, a complement that creates possibilities in the family that accelerates an individual’s therapy or change process.
How Does Online Family Recovery Coaching Improve Communication in the Family?
The online family coaching model provides a safe environment for everyone in the family to get onboard with the same information and goals, and create/use a communication process that best leads to their desired outcomes. Optimally, families can create their own communication guidelines, but everyone in your family may not be ready at the same time.
The community provides an economical space for “family advocates” to learn the trickle down and impact on family communication patterns. The economy of scale and the structure of the online community promotes “seeds’ of invitation to be “planted” in other family members, encouraging them to explore the impersonal impact of trickle down on family patterns, and the personal potential for their family to be onboard with communication guidelines that are used for them to decide what’s best for their situation today.
The number of family members in a change process impacts the momentum of the family.
Why Have Communication Guidelines?
Communication guidelines set ideal expectations, create conditions for safety, provide support navigating through difficult conversations and establish secure connections. Individually, communication guidelines raise awareness of internal self-talk, and provide a baseline for self-monitoring impulses while navigating the dance of listening and expressing.
The communication skills practiced in the community transfer to family communication.
Communication guidelines in families create conditions for new conversations that create new levels of relationship and increased ability to navigate through challenge to connection.
Examples of Communication Guidelines in the Community
- Stay aware of your own needs with trust and safety
- Express different opinions with respect
- Remain curious, ask questions, and don’t assume you know what’s going on for others
- Talk about your own experiences with “I statements”
In the community, you can access the sample exercise for families to establish their own Communication Guidelines.
Summary
Unrecognized shame contributes to communication problems in families with addiction. The Communication Guidelines of the Deep Community are modeled after a river process that enhances clear communication and safety. Community members can learn and practice these communication skills, which they can use in their family. People come to the community to help themselves; people stay in community to continue to practice and support others. The potential for this online family coaching model to support individual change and empower family healing connections, while changing the tide of addiction, is slowly being recognized.
Predicting the Future
I believe solutions to the addiction crisis in our country, and our families, will NOT solely come from new laws, policies, grant funding and a reallocation of dollars for treatment and therapy. This is part of the solution. An online process that allows for family members to self monitor their incremental progression from shame to sharing with likeminded others, creates a wealth of firsthand experience. The sheer volume of wisdom and new ideas creates social capital for family members to take a much stronger role in new solutions to addiction.
An online community of likeminded others provides a container of support, a think tank of wisdom in which to brainstorm your next step and the accountability of the group to support action. Start the process that leads to creating communication guidelines.
Learn more about the Deep Community, www.thefamilyrecoverysolution.com/families or go to www.thefamilyrecoverysolution.com. Click the “Book Me” button to schedule a conversation.