You’ve probably heard the saying, “A frog will leap from a pan of hot water, but if the water is brought to a slow boil, the frog will remain until its demise.” Thinking about a frog “slowly boiling to death” may be upsetting or traumatic for some, however “slowly boiling to death” relates to families with addiction waiting too long before taking action. They wait because of shame and stigma.
How does “slowly boing to death” relate to cultural stigma and shame?
Our culture contributes to addiction by not taking responsibility. The burden lands on families. Families feel personally responsible. Shame sets in. But this is cultural shame, and families personalize it.
Families and individuals in families are confused by mixed messages in the culture. In the time necessary for families to become clear, they can “slowly boil to death.”
How can families change from “slowly boiling to death?”
Recognize that “slowly boiling to death” is not the fault of the family, but unfortunately it is their responsibility. Owning the responsibility is the first step to change. The next step is finding an environment where you and your family will be safe from shame and at your own pace, can access the same information, connect with others who have made this journey, and decide on your next best steps.
Taking action gets you out of “slowly boiling to death.”
But how do I take action if I don’t feel ready?
The online environment allows incremental small progressive steps you can control.
First, if anonymity is important to you, you signup with an alias, listen to community chats as long as you like, and ask questions in the community, or private message an individual for a private conversation at another time.
Second, you have 24/7 access to resources for addiction in the family, and anyone in your family with an internet connection can access the same information. Getting your family on the same page starts by utilizing the power of your family: group buy in, group sharing of info, group decision making and group momentum towards your next best steps.
But I can’t take action because others in my family aren’t ready.
Often, the family hopes the individual with addiction will initiate action. Maybe, they can’t. Don’t wait for chaos to influence your action. The cultural messages under “slowly boiling to death” can prevent action.
One person can initiate. One person can learn some things, share it with others, and let them come in when they are ready. That one person can be you.
Summary
For less than the cost of a therapy session, one person can initiate a process – 3 months of access to gathering info about family solutions that address the context around the addiction. Shame is normalized by likeminded people. The link to resources can be shared, conversations can take place over time, and your family can brainstorm your next best steps.