Mixed messages surround addiction. So many that we may be numb to them. Some mixed messages are obvious; some are not. The issues are complicated, require focus, attention, and thinking.
Mixed messages are in our environment and they trickle down to the family. In the Bangor Daily News, an article updated on September of 2017, “Trump Sends Mixed Messages About Addiction” is an example on a national level. The mixed message is Trump agreeing that the opioid crisis is a national emergency two days after his health and human services director stated that the opioid crisis was not a national emergency. The stakes involve increased funds to better address the opioid epidemic, or not.
On a local level, mixed messages are obvious as well. In January of 2016, recreational marijuana in Colorado became legal. Plenty of dispensaries have gone into business. Teens may hear the facts:
- Teen brain development is interrupted from marijuana smoking
- Rewards from marijuana in the adolescent’s brain could have a stronger influence in their decision-making
- Habits formed while the brain is developing are carried into adulthood
But teens may hear their parents say, “adults brains are fully developed and marijuana is not a problem.” There’s truth here. But if you have/do marijuana it sends a mixed message. Imagine warm cookies on the counter and you say to your teen, “I’m going to go out and I trust you not to eat any of the cookies.” You contribute to the mixed message with your behavior.
When a teen has been caught smoking marijuana several times, is not going to class, and has failing grades – simply assessing the teen, developing a treatment plan of consequences, and trying to get parents to support the plan usually doesn’t end well. Simply focusing on the teen’s problem of underage marijuana use without cost efficient strategies to engage “the problem around the problem” – the parents, the school system, and the community – the problem with the underaged marijuana use is not a quick fix. It’s a lifestyle. You model it.
On a personal level, imagine you’re a parent in a situation similar to the one above. Your friends are at your birthday party. Some of them are smoking marijuana in the backyard. They want you to indulge, like you have before. “It’s your birthday!” Whether you indulge or not, your behavior will send a message to your teen, your spouse, your friend’s and most importantly to yourself.
Become open to the possibility of internal mixed messages. Part of us that wants what it wants when it wants it, and another part of ourselves asks, “yes, but. . .” Example: One part saying, “This is my birthday and I deserve to indulge right now.” And another part, saying, “Hey, this isn’t a good idea right now.” Generally, the volume on the first message is turned up and the other turned down or off. Recognizing the mixed messages inside of ourself and setting boundaries with one’s self is key to navigating mixed messages around us and setting boundaries that best serve us over time.
Hearing mixed message from your loved one will make it more challenging for you to navigate them, but provides much opportunity for growth. If you do what you’ve done in the past, likely not much will change, except more conflict, anger, pain.
Growth can start with you.
The online family groups are a safe place to learn and connect with like-minded people. raise awareness, practice, ask for an accountability buddy, support others, and become more congruent in your world. You can check them out here: https://thefamilyrecoverysolution.com/#groups
Do you have a question? Email me here: jeff@thefamilyrecoverysolution.com
Or schedule a time to chat. https://meetme.so/jeffjones
Or Signup for individual coaching
Learn how your family starting a healing process can encourage your loved one to stop using and engage in their individual healing and recovery. https://thefamilyrecoverysolution.com/whole-family-healing/
Jeff Jones LPC, CACIII, Certified Intervention Professional, and Family Coach has created online family groups for two reasons: 1) In the addiction crisis, families are the biggest stakeholder, with the least support to productively engage in longterm solutions, and 2) with the support of likeminded people, families can have a stronger voice for solutions in their own family, their community, and our world.
Would you like to see a particular topic addressed? Send me an email and let me know. jeff@thefamilyrecoverysolution.com