The problem is the addiction in the family. The problem demands attention and intense focus from everyone. Of course, this needs to happen, AND the problem around the problem needs to be recognized and changed. In the problem around the problem are elements to the solution to the problem, elements that do not get recognized. Even more specifically, the family is an element of the solution that does not get recognized.
In this post, I’m going to teach you how to recognize the problem around the problem in the family, and I’m going to invite you to learn how to change it.
In families with addition stress incrementally ratchets up. As the addiction increases general patterns of anxiety and coping emerge. People are doing their best to deal with the level of stress in the environment, in themselves, and trying to stay connected as a family. With everyone doing their very best, patterns of coping appear as roles. Family members can stay in a role, or move from role to role. The roles are behavioral strategies to cope.
The visual diagram I use to make these patterns visible is called the Spotlight Diagram. A large circle in the middle represents the individual with addiction in your family. Three lines at 1, 3, and 5 o’clock come from the center and go out to smaller circles. The lines represent different communication styles and patterns. One is similar behaviors with no problematic consequences. Another is staying connected but not talking about the problem. The last role at 5 o’clock wants to talk about the problem and does so sharply, with accusation. The circle at 7 o’clock snuggled up close to the center circle is another role. This role represents the myopic focus of trying to fix the problem or the person. Another role is at about 10 o’clock with no line. No communication – been there, done that they’ve pulled away. Maybe a boundary to take care of them self. Maybe a complete cut off of communication. All of these roles orient around the center role.
The Spotlight Diagram is useful for a structural approach to understanding patterns that naturally arise in families with a loved one in addiction. Over the next several days, think about this description and watch your interactions with your loved one. There’s a lot you can learn about your own strategies. As you can see in the video, when families expect their loved one with addiction to get into recovery to solve the problem and the family does not change, four problems arise. Four problems that play out over generations. Check it now: http://www.thefamilyrecoverysolution.com/families/
Solving the problem around the problem is a matter of changing the structure of the Spotlight Diagram, changing the relationship with your loved one in addiction, and stop the family structure of orienting around them. Changing the structure of the Spotlight Diagram is the potential solution around the solution of your loved one going into recovery.
If you’re going to take this recovery thing seriously, doing your own work of change is crucial. An individual counselor or psychologist, can be helpful. Coaching can be helpful as well. https://go.oncehub.com/jeffcoaching
Are you wondering if group or individual coaching is right for your situation? Let us know of your interest by sending an email to jeff@thefamilyrecoverysolution.com or signup for individual coaching
Learn how your family starting a healing process can encourage your loved one to stop using and engage in their individual healing and recovery. https://thefamilyrecoverysolution.com/whole-family-healing/
Jeff Jones LPC, CACIII, Certified Intervention Professional, and Family Coach has created online family groups for two reasons: 1) In the addiction crisis, families are the biggest stakeholder, with the least support to productively engage in longterm solutions, and 2) with the support of likeminded people, families can have a stronger voice for solutions in their own family, their community, and our world.
Would you like to see a particular topic addressed? Send me an email and let me know. jeff@thefamilyrecoverysolution.com
